I knew I shouldn’t have responded to you.
I knew exactly what was going to happen if I did and that I was going to end up feeling awful.
I kept telling myself it was because I finally wanted real closure from you. I wanted you to tell me exactly how you felt and what was going on.
Maybe I thought if I allowed you to “pay your debt” to me I could cut you out of my life forever.
And things did turn out exactly how I thought. We chatted a bit. You charmed your way into my home and into my pants. You made me feel like you truly wanted me again and that I was finally worth your time. You worshipped me for those brief moments and I felt like a goddess in your arms. And after you were finished with me, you were harsh and rude and left without much of a goodbye.
I don’t know what it is about you that I can’t control myself. I want you out of my life forever, but I also want you to be with me and only me. I hate you so much. Or maybe I just hate myself for how much I love you. I don’t know. My mind is spinning and I don’t know what to think or feel. Why do you keep doing this to me? Why can’t I let you go? Why am I so sad and pathetic?